


Happenstance

by howtobeinconspicuous



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-27
Updated: 2013-01-27
Packaged: 2017-11-27 04:32:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,191
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/658041
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/howtobeinconspicuous/pseuds/howtobeinconspicuous
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Remus owns a bookshop. Sirius works as a mechanic down the street. It starts when Sirius starts bringing him coffee. Or maybe it doesn't - maybe it starts on a rainy Tuesday.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Happenstance

**Author's Note:**

> Many thanks to Darcy, who beta-ed this. Any mistakes are my own. I do not own any of the characters involved. All credit where credit is due.

Remus Lupin first meets Sirius Black on a rainy Tuesday afternoon, which is an awfully cliché beginning to a tragic love story.

 

Remus is in the back doing paperwork when the bell goes and he hears the door opening. There are heavy, slow footsteps, and Remus leaves his tiny broom cupboard of an office to offer his assistance to whatever customer has walked in – or as is more often the case, give directions to the coffee shop around the corner. Admittedly, it serves good coffee, but why they can’t just walk two hundred yards and see the sign for the shop themselves Remus doesn’t know.

But it doesn’t look like someone here to ask for directions. The man standing in Remus’ shop is a tall man of about twenty-five, strong shouldered and dark haired. He looks familiar, and Remus recognises him as a man he sometimes sees walking past the shop. He’s very attractive, Remus notes absentmindedly.

The dark haired man is looking intently at the spines of the books in the cookery section. Remus tries hard not to be surprised, but it is a struggle. He doesn’t exactly strike Remus as the cooking sort.

But hey, _we can all break stereotypes_ , Remus thinks.

He coughs, trying not to startle the man, and then, “Can I help?”

The man looks up, an expression of surprise, which slides smoothly into a smile. “Oh, yes, I think so.” His smile has a slightly predatory edge to it as he looks at Remus with blatant interest.

Remus coughs. “Well, what are you looking for?”

The man’s smile widens. “I’ll presume we’re talking about books here.”

Remus tries to refrain from rolling his eyes. It is a struggle. This man strikes Remus as being the type to _wink_. Remus really doesn’t like those people.

“Yes, that is generally why people come into a bookshop.” Remus attempts to keep the sarcasm out of his voice, but he’s not all together too sure that he succeeds. The man’s smile doesn’t waver.

“Of course. Well, I’ve just finished ‘Great Expectations’ and I was wondering if you could recommend something… better. Charles Dickens has an awfully big reputation. He really doesn’t live up to it.”

Remus lets out a startled laugh. “No, I guess I’d have to say you’re right.”

The man gives him an evaluative look. “I bet you tried to enjoy Dickens as a teenager. Bet you thought you should, so you tried hard to like the writing when in actual fact it’s total bollocks.”

Remus raises an eyebrow. “I bet you, as a teenager, had a motorbike and took all the girls for rides on the back.”

An expression of delighted surprise crosses the man’s face.

“Never took girls for rides, actually.” The man looks at Remus, intense and a little bit filthy. There isn’t much mistaking his meaning. “And I still have the bike.”

Remus’ eyes flick down, taking in the dark jeans with a hole in the left knee and the combat boots. “Of course you still have the bike. Of course.”

And – okay, maybe this man is slightly more attractive than Remus previously thought. In a _complete arsehole_ kind of way.

Remus mentally shakes himself. “Right, so you want a book recommendation?”

The man nods.

“Have you read ‘The Catcher In The Rye’?”

“Yeah, I liked that. Lived up to the hype, surprisingly.”

“Okay, well I’m just going through the classics here, so what about ‘The Great Gatsby’?”

The man looks interested. “Never bothered to read it. We had to study it in school so…”

“So naturally, you didn’t read it.” Remus finishes for him. The man grins, big and wicked.

“Naturally. But, if you think I should read it?”

Remus nods, “Oh yeah, definitely. Even if you don’t enjoy it too much, you should at least read it. It’s a classic.”

The man raises a sardonic eyebrow. “You don’t say.”

Remus ignores this and rifles through one of the bookshelves, finding the book and taking it over to the till, ringing it up.  The man passes over the money, and Remus hands over the book and receipt.

The man doesn’t move from where he’s leaning against the counter.

Remus shoots him an inquiring look.

“So, I was wondering. Since you clearly have much to educate me on, certainly regarding books, maybe I could take you out sometime for dinner?”

Remus isn’t terribly surprised, nor does the smooth manner that the man says this shock him an awful lot. “Thanks, but I don’t even know your name. Not really my style. Thanks all the same.”

“I’m Sirius.” Sirius shoots him a grin. “Can we go out now?”

Remus doesn’t restrain his eye roll this time. “And I’m Remus, but I’m still not going out with you.”

“See, I should be disheartened by that, but you just told me your name, so I’m clearly doing something right.”

“No, I’m just polite. My mother taught me about manners, which your mother clearly failed to teach you.”

Sirius’ eyes flicker as he looks down, sliding the receipt into the book, but his grin stays in place. “My mother failed in many ways, and that did include the failure to teach me about manners. At least in any sense you’re talking about. So since we’ve accepted that I’m Sirius and I’m rude, and you’re Remus and you look devastatingly and unfairly attractive in moth eaten cardigans, can I please take you out for dinner?”

Remus looks down at his cardigan. “It’s not moth eaten!” He sticks his thumb through a hole in the sleeve. “Mostly.”

Sirius just looks at him, raising one eyebrow. “That’s not a no.”

“We’re not going out.”

“Are you straight?” Sirius wrinkles his nose slightly.

“No – I – that’s really not the point. I’m not going out with you. End of.”

Sirius tilts his head to one side. “Okay.” He picks up the book he’s just bought, and turns to go. “I’ll see you, Remus.” Remus’ name sounds like something exciting in Sirius’ mouth. Sirius opens the door, and leaves. The bell jangles behind him.

Remus’ mind reels slightly. He shakes his head, smiling slightly to himself, and goes into the back office to continue sorting paperwork.

 

 

 

The next day, at the same time, Sirius comes into the shop again. Remus recognises the sound of his combat boots falling heavily onto the old wooden floors of the bookshop. Remus goes out of the office, taking his coffee with him, and sees Sirius standing in the middle of the shop, not looking at any books.

Remus raises an eyebrow. “Back again?”

Sirius smirks at Remus. “Books are a very big part of my life.”

“Clearly. What are you after?” Sirius’ smirk widens, but he answers Remus’ question seriously.

“Cookery book. I was actually looking for something yesterday, but I got… distracted.” Sirius lets his eyes trail up and down the long line of Remus’ body. Remus feels his face growing hot.

“Right, well I suppose you can find a suitable book yourself?”

“I don’t know, I may need some help.”

Remus stands his ground. “Well I’ll be in the back if you need any assistance.” Sirius licks his lips, nodding. Remus thinks about pressing Sirius against the hard line of the bookshelf and kissing him until they’re both breathless and shaking.

Remus goes into his office. Stupid man, coming in here with his stupid messy hair and his stupid ripped jeans. Stupid. Remus shakes his head free of his irrational thoughts, and listens out for any sounds of Sirius wanting assistance. Remus is sure he could assist in some sort of way.

Remus lets his head drop onto the desk. He said no to Sirius yesterday for a reason. He knows that. He just isn’t too sure what the reason was.

He really is far too tired for this.

A throat clears, and Remus looks up to find Sirius leaning against the doorway.

“Customers aren’t allowed back here.”

“I won’t tell if you don’t.”

“Don’t count on my secrecy. If you require assistance or have found a book you wish to purchase, I’ll be right out.” Remus resolutely keeps his gaze focused on Sirius’ face and absolutely does not look at Sirius’ body, stretched out and messily elegant against the door frame. But then he’s a little distracted by the angles of Sirius’ face, handsome and aristocratic. God dammit, only yesterday he was noting absentmindedly that Sirius is handsome and now he’s being distracted? Remus doesn’t _do_ going on dates, and he certainly doesn’t go on dates with people he barely knows. He’s not just going to break that just because he hasn’t got laid in a while and Sirius is standing here in front of him, long lines and sharp angles and pale skin.

Remus stands up and ushers Sirius out of the doorway. Remus sees a book on the counter and puts it through the till. When he hands Sirius the receipt and the book, Sirius leans in and says, “Don’t think I’m going to come in here and buy a book every day. I can see your business isn’t flourishing, but I myself can’t actually afford to buy books this regularly.”

“Does this mean that I won’t have to deal with you on a regular basis?” Remus asks, sarcastic.

“Don’t look so hopeful. You won’t get rid of me that easy.” And with that, Sirius is gone.

 

Sirius comes in on Thursday, and on Friday. Remus doesn’t work Saturday or Sunday and therefore doesn’t see Sirius, but on Monday he’s back and Sirius brings him coffee. He explains it away with a, “You look tired. And your coffee looks kind of shit. And I figured you would be the type to appreciate decent coffee.” Which is kind of exactly spot on and Remus marvels at Sirius’ skills of deduction. He refrains from making some sort of Sherlock Holmes crack.

Remus starts looking forward to Sirius’ visits. Sirius has stopped making excuses for his visits by buying books, and now they just talk. Sirius is a big fan of the Stones – unsurprising – and he likes travelling. The only reason he’s currently walking to work is because his driving license is presently suspended due to speeding on his motorbike. He did the first year of a degree at Cambridge University but decided that pleased his mother too much, so he dropped out. He works at a garage, which isn’t the highest job in the work but he’s good with cars and engines and it’s calming work. He enjoys it. He likes Lord of the Rings and Buffy the Vampire Slayer and doesn’t like tomatoes and he feeds Remus’ coffee addiction. He’s smart, and funny and kind of lovely underneath his smooth talking arrogance. Remus thinks _oh shit_ , but doesn’t care too much.

Three weeks and three days after he first came into the bookshop, Sirius is sitting in the back office while Remus serves a customer. The “you’re a customer and therefore can’t be back here” rule stopped applying around the same time that Sirius started bringing him coffee. When the customer leaves, Remus goes into the back office to find Sirius sitting on his desk, leafing through a book Remus is currently reading. When he sees Remus, he stands up.

Remus’ office isn’t big. When there is more than one person in it, however, it is positively tiny. Remus and Sirius are standing pretty close together. Remus notes that he is, in fact, taller than Sirius. Only by a couple of inches, but still.

Remus clears his throat, making to step back. Sirius grabs his forearm, his thumb pressed against the delicate skin on the inside of Remus’ wrist.

“So I was thinking…”

“That’s new.” Remus cuts in.

“Shut up. I was thinking that you should go out with me.”

Remus swallows. “Not happening.”

“See, you say that, but the time that you’re not drinking the coffee I bring you, you’re staring at me in a way that doesn’t scream platonic. I think it would be better for all involved if you finally let me take you out on a date.”

“I’m not a fucking _girl_ , Sirius.”

Sirius steps even more into Remus space. If Remus shifts a couple inches forward, he and Sirius would be pressed together.

Sirius murmurs in a low voice. “I know you don’t have much faith in my brain capacity, but I had in fact noticed that. It’s not exactly like you’ll be hearing any objections from my behalf. So we should go out. Together. I’ll let you pay for your food.”

“So generous.”

“That’s not a no.”

“No.”

“No that’s not a no, or no you won’t go out with me.”

“Uh – the second one.” Remus’ voice doesn’t have as much authority as he’d like it to have.

“How about half past seven tonight, at the Italian place down the road?”

“Italian? That’s awfully cliché.”

“That’s a yes.”

“Maybe.” Sirius grins. Remus can feel Sirius’ breath as he exhales. He shifts, and Sirius leans forward. His lips brush against Remus’. Just as Remus is thinking of allowing himself to push forward, push Sirius back into his desk and kiss him until they’re both panting, Sirius leans away and darts around Remus, leaving the office.

“Half past seven. Tonight.” Remus hears the door bang shut, and the bell tinkles. He grins, despite himself. Stupid man. With his stupid hair and stupid combat boots. Who he’s stupidly going on a date with.

 

Remus only has about an hour before he has to be at the restaurant to meet Sirius by the time he gets home after closing up at the bookshop, so he showers and brushes his teeth and then stands in front of his wardrobe with a wrinkled nose. And then he realises that actually, it doesn’t matter what he wears, because it’s not like this is a _big deal_ or anything dumb like that. He throws on his least holey clothes. He manages a bookshop and in his spare time studies for his second degree – classics – so he doesn’t exactly have a lot of extra money to replace moth eaten jumpers.

When he’s finished this degree, he wants to teach classics at university. Even if he doesn’t get paid much, the moth eaten clothes can be part of an “eccentric teacher” look when he’s a professor. Managing a bookshop, he just looks like a poor bookshop owner, and not eccentric at all.

He gets to the restaurant five minutes early and goes inside to save a table, but Sirius is already there. He looks vaguely smart. He’s flattening his hair with one hand and – and he actually looks nervous. Which is an unprecedented surprise.

Remus tries not to find it endearing. He fails miserably.

A waiter stops him, asking if he can help, and Remus smiles slightly and gestures with his head. “I’m uh – meeting him. So, um – “ The waiter nods, and just steps out of the way so Remus can make his way to where Sirius is seated.

Sirius looks up and stops trying to flatten his hair as Remus approaches. Instead, Sirius stands up hurriedly, nearly knocking over his chair in the process. Remus smirks slightly.

“Smooth.” He says, but smiles as he says it. Sirius, recovered, just slips into an easy grin.

“What can I say, you can’t teach this kind of effortless elegance.”

Remus laughs, and pulls out his chair, taking a seat while watching Sirius do the same. Sirius runs a hand through his hair, mussing it again unconsciously. He’s looking at Remus intensely, none of his slick smirk in place.

“You look, really – well. For a book shop keeper, you clean up good.” He’s nodding to himself as he says it.

Remus feels the warmth spread over his cheeks. He tilts his head. “You don’t look horrendous yourself.”

Sirius lets out a startled bark of a laugh. “You know, I think that’s the nicest thing you’ve ever said to me.”

A waitress clears her throat as she stands with her pen poised above her notepad. “Can I take any orders just yet?”

Sirius looks at Remus, and Remus clears his throat. “Uh, we haven’t actually looked at the menu yet, but we could order drinks now, I guess?”

Sirius nods. “Yeah, I’ll have a beer. Whatever the house beer is. And, uh, Remus?”

“Could I have a glass of the Merlot? The 2009 red?” The waitress jots down a couple of notes, and nods.

“Anything else for you?”

“No, thank you. We’ll take a look at the menu now, and order in a couple of minutes if that’s alright.”

“Absolutely.” The waitress leaves.

Sirius looks at Remus appraisingly. “So, do you actually know your wines, or was that just pure shite?”

Remus laughs. “I know about as much as anyone. So, not really much at all.” He takes a menu and opens it. “Anything to recommend?”

“No idea. Haven’t been here before.”

“Really?”

“I’m not really the… dating around kind of guy.”

Remus raises an eyebrow. “Are you having a laugh?”

Sirius looks up from the menu, splitting into a grin before it fades. “I’m serious. I just – I know what it looks like. It’s just that I’ve got good friends; I have a pretty good time generally. I’m not into random dating.”

“But, that first day – in the book shop?”

Sirius shrugs. “You had four holes in your cardigan, you looked exhausted, your hair was a mess. I couldn’t help myself.” His tone is light, joking, but there’s something vulnerable underneath. Remus feels a pull in his stomach, but he lets the topic drop.

“So incredibly glad you were seduced by my unkempt bookstore owner look.”

“Hey, I don’t want any of that sarcasm here. We’re having a nice date, okay?” Remus looks at Sirius’ laughing face, with his wide grin and his earnest eyes.

“Yeah.”

 

And it is a nice date. The restaurant serves good food; they get tipsy on the alcohol and the laughter in the air. They split the bill, and Sirius offers to walk Remus home.

Remus argues, “Well, isn’t yours closer? It would make far more sense for me to walk you home.”

Sirius turns in laughing shock to him. “Remus Lupin, it sounds an awful lot like you’re propositioning me.”

Remus lets his arm brush up against Sirius’ as they walk along the pavement. “Well, maybe I am.”

Sirius doesn’t really have a reply to that.

 

Sirius’ apartment really isn’t far from the restaurant – and therefore the bookshop and Sirius’ own place of work. Remus intends to make some sort of remark on this, asking why he’d ever taken his bike to work in the first place, but as soon as he turns to Sirius to speak, he sees Sirius’ eyes on him, intent and dark and hungry and definitely, definitely dirty.

Sirius unlocks the door, gesturing for Remus to go ahead of him. He does, and stands in Sirius’ dark hallway while Sirius closes the door behind them.

Remus turns to face Sirius, and swallows at the look in Sirius’ eyes.

Sirius speaks. “So, coffee?”

“I’ll pass.” And then Remus is pushing forward, flipping them so Sirius is pressed against the wall, Remus’ mouth pressing hungry against Sirius’. And Sirius is kissing back, hard and forceful, nipping at Remus’ lip and demanding entry. Remus’ grip on Sirius’ hips is hard and bruising, and this thought simply makes Remus press harder against Sirius, who lets out a slight noise from the back of his throat. Sirius turns his head slightly, breaking the kiss, and just grips Remus’ shoulders, panting out, “Bedroom,” and then Remus’ mouth is on his again, letting Sirius pull them in direction of a door past the kitchen.

“Nice place you have here.” Remus mutters against Sirius’ lips.

“I decorated it myself.”

“Ah, that’s why it looks so shit.”

“Don’t lie, you haven’t noticed one thing about the paintwork.”

Remus smiles against Sirius’ lips. “No, I haven’t.” And then Sirius is finding the door handle and they are falling onto Sirius’ bed, and there’s not a lot of talking for quite a while.

 

Remus wakes up to the sun hitting his face, bright enough to tell him that it’s past ten in the morning. He makes a noise of complaint at the light, and rolls over, finding himself pressed against Sirius.

 Remus looks up at him, looking at his bedhead and sleepy smile. Remus swallows the feeling that he could get used to this sight.

“Good morning.” Sirius mumbles, voice hoarse and happy.

“Morning. What time is it?”

Sirius cranes his neck, looking at his bedside table before replying, “Half ten.”

Remus makes a noise of acknowledgment. “Haven’t woken up this late in years.”

Sirius’ answering laugh is low and Remus can feel the vibrations in his chest. “What an incredibly thrilling life you must lead.”

“Shut up, the life of a bookshop owned is very thrilling.”

“It’ll be even more thrilling when you’re a professor.” They’d covered the topic of _Profession and Future_ last week while Remus was unloading some new stock.

Remus makes a humming noise of agreement, and then Sirius is swinging his legs out of bed.

“Right, I’m going to make some coffee and some breakfast and whatnot. Do you want to take a shower?”

“Uh, yes, I think I will actually.” They both let out slight chuckles at that.

 

When Remus comes out of the shower, he smells bacon cooking. He finds his way into the kitchen with last night’s boxers and shirt pulled onto his clean body and sees Sirius at the stove cooking bacon and eggs in just his boxers.

“Is bacon and eggs alright for you?”

“Yeah, that’s great, thanks.”

“How’d you like your eggs?”

“Uh – no particular preference?”

Sirius laughs. “Yeah, I’ve always found that question a bit weird. I’ve always wanted to give some elaborate orders.”

Remus lets out a snicker, and then speaks. “You know, all jokes aside, it’s actually a really nice place you’ve got here.”

“Thanks. Me and James painted it ourselves, but other than that it’s always been in pretty good nick.” He’d mentioned James before – his best friend, who had been living with him until he shacked up with his now-wife, Lily.

“You know, student-turned-mechanic doesn’t tend to pay all that well.”

Sirius makes a rueful face. “No, no it doesn’t. And I was cut out of my family inheritance, so that doesn’t pay well either.” This was about the second or third time Sirius had mentioned something about his dysfunctional family, but Remus still doesn’t know what is the deal there. He is interrupted from further thought, however, by Sirius continuing. “I ran away from the family at sixteen. Apparently my great-uncle – who my mother had always loathed – thought that was cool of me, and he left me everything in his will. He died a few years back, right when I decided I was done with university, and James was already planning to move here. Lily already had a place that she said James couldn’t move into for at least a year, so we bought this place together. Did it up. It was fun. Year on the dot, he moved in with Lily. They’re not that far away though, so it’s not like it’s a massive hardship on me. And I can afford to keep the place thanks to Uncle Alphard.”

It’s the most Sirius has ever talked about his family until now.

“You ran away from home?”

“Yeah – I – it’s a long story.”

Remus shrugs. “Tell it whenever. Where did you go?”

“James and his parents took me in. It was really decent of them. I – I really owe them a lot.”

Remus gives him a small smile. “Bacon’s burning.”

Sirius whirls around. “What – oh shit.”

 

It was, in fact, perfectly salvageable, and tasted absolutely excellent with the eggs, toast and coffee that Sirius presented in front of Remus.

Remus jokes, “You’d make a good housewife.” And Sirius rolls his eyes.

It feels like the start of something important.

 

 

 

Three weeks later, Remus is once again sitting in Sirius’ kitchen, clutching a mug of coffee and eating a piece of toast. Sirius is sitting on the kitchen work surface, eating an apple and laughing uproariously at something Remus had just said. Remus personally didn’t find it all that amusing, but he wasn’t going to complain at the sight of uninhibited joy of Sirius’ face.

After Sirius has settled slightly, and they go back to their respective breakfasts and Sirius puts on the kettle to make himself some tea, Sirius turns round and faces Remus. He gives him an evaluative look.

Remus wipes an imagined crumb from the corner of his mouth self-consciously. “What?”

Sirius shrugs, swinging himself back onto the work surface as he waits for the kettle to boil. “I don’t know. Just – wondering what plans you have for today.”

His tone is too casual.

“Not much planned. I have studying and work to do, but I work better in the evenings. I thought we could hang out?”

Sirius nods. “Yeah, yeah. Or, I don’t know, we could meet up with James and Lily?”

Remus raises his eyebrows. So that’s what Sirius was skirting around.

“Aw, that’s cute, you want to introduce us.”

Sirius rolls his eyes. “It’s not cute. But yeah, I mean. If that’s okay. It’s just – Lily told me to bring you round for dinner, and James threatened to remove my testicles if I didn’t bring you around at all in the near future, so.”

“Well, we wouldn’t want you to lose your testicles.”

“Well exactly. It doesn’t have to be dinner, I just thought we could just hang out, or they could come here for lunch or whatever.” Sirius is still being too casual about this, and Remus realises how important this is to him.

“Do – uh – do I need to be nervous about this? Is James going to beat me up, or take me aside and _threaten_ to beat me up or anything?”

“No, no. I just – it would be nice if you guys got along and stuff. You’re all pretty important to me.”

Remus squashes the warmth that spreads in his chest at those words and instead offers up a proposal. “I’m good with lunch with James and Lily if you’ll meet Peter sometime soon.”

Sirius positively beams. “Yeah, that’s – cool with me.” And then pauses, as an idea comes to him. “Why don’t you invite him over this afternoon, with James and Lily? We can drink beer, tease Lily about how big she’s getting –“ He raises his eyebrows. “Shit, yeah, it’s not actually long until she’s due.” James and Lily were having a kid, which Sirius was anticipating for all the reasons Lily wanted to forbid him from being around the baby. He wanted to teach the child curse words and dress it up as Batman, so he probably wasn’t the greatest influence to have around.

 

Despite never having met James or Lily, when they stepped into the flat and Lily swept him into a warm hug, being mindful of the baby bump, and James had greeted him with a shiteating grin and the words, “I don’t know how the fuck you put up with him mate, but congrats,” Remus feels like he’d known them for a long time. There is some conversation – some awkward, as introductions generally tend to be, but some easy and natural – and then there is another knock on the door and Remus goes to let Peter in.

“Pete, hey!” Remus says.

Peter laughs and responds, “So I finally get to meet this stalker of yours, huh?”

Sirius’ voice comes from behind. “You told him I was a stalker? Thanks for that, Remus.”

“Oh shut up. You basically were a stalker for a while there. Pete, this is Sirius, Sirius, this is Peter.” Sirius offers Peter a hand, and they shake, and it’s delightfully awkward until James bounds in, half jumping on Sirius as he does so and peers at Peter. “You must be Peter.”

“That’s me.”

“I’m James. The lovely redhead in the kitchen is my wife, Lily. She is so fucking huge because she’s currently carrying my spawn. I like to think of it as a further means of preventing her from leaving me.”

Peter lets out a startled laugh, and Sirius throws an arm around James’ shoulders, ruffling his hair.

“The degree to which you shouldn’t be allowed to procreate is insanely high.” Sirius tells James in a sombre manner.

“I agree!” Lily calls from the kitchen.

Remus laughs, half at the conversation, and half at the delight to be here with these people. He feels so fucking happy.

 

They settle into routine. The four of them – Remus, Sirius, James and Peter – get along brilliantly. Lily confesses that while she adores them all completely, prolonged exposure does tend to make her want to punch them all in the face, so generally if the four of them are hanging out together, they meet at Sirius’, Remus’, Peter’s or at a pub. Sometimes Lily joins them, and rolls her eyes at their antics.

 

James and Lily’s baby comes – a boy, with black hair and bright eyes and a gurgling laugh. They name him Harry, and name Sirius – faking a great deal of reluctance – godfather. For all of the comments of Sirius’ ineptitude with children, watching Sirius with Harry – gentle hands and soft eyes – Remus feels that familiar tug in his gut.

 

Sirius and James sometimes make Remus forget that they are, in fact, in their twenties. It’s not a stretch for the imagination to picture them ten years ago, at school together and wrecking havoc. Peter, for his part, likes Sirius and thinks that James is brilliant.

Three months into his relationship with Sirius, Remus can’t really remember his life without this gang.

Routine works like this: Remus and Sirius eat breakfast together, trading languid kisses and stupid banter. They walk to their respective jobs, and spend the day working. And then, at about five o’clock, Sirius comes by the bookshop – sometimes with coffee, sometimes with a paper bag with groceries for dinner – and watches Remus finish up with the shop for the day. And then they walk home together. Remus has all but moved into Sirius’ flat by now, only going back to his on occasion.

In the evenings, Remus studies. Sometimes Sirius helps, testing him on things, asking him questions so they talk things out. Sometimes Sirius does his very best to distract Remus, get Remus to entertain him. They eat supper, and then go to bed and fuck, sometimes slow and lazy, sometimes burning and feverish in its intensity. At the weekends, they sometimes meet up with friends – go out for drinks, have dinner, watch a game of football. Remus rapidly discovers that both Sirius and James are insane fans of West Ham, which leads to afternoons drinking beer and shouting at the television. Remus does paperwork from the bookshop that he never completed during the week, and carries on with his degree. The shop remains open at the weekend, but he has a guy named Bern in to look after it so he gets a couple of days off.

It’s so incredibly domestic and easy, this life they settled into so quickly and comfortably. Remus doesn’t understand how he went from four months ago, not knowing Sirius, James, or Lily, to this – to not being able to imagine life without them. Even baby Harry, with his screaming and pooping and tiny fingers and toes, feels crucial now.

 

 

 

At the six-month mark, Sirius clears his throat awkwardly in the middle of eating pasta while watching Buffy the Vampire Slayer, and pauses the episode. Remus knows something is up, because Sirius doesn’t just _pause_ in the middle of an episode of Buffy.

“What’s up?” He enquires.

“Well, I know we haven’t been together long. Or, well – this is the longest I’ve actually been, you know, in a relationship, but in the grand scheme of things, I know it’s not actually, uh, all that long. But I just – I was wondering if you’d maybe consider moving in with me. You know. Officially. You already spend all your time here, I just – I think it’s probably a waste of money to keep your flat; it just – it seems like it would be more, well, convenient if we – uh. Moved in. Together.”

Remus can’t help himself. He bursts out laughing. “Of course, you dipshit. Jesus, what did you think I would say? Of course I will.” Sirius looks so relieved that it sets Remus off laughing again. God, he actually thought Remus would have objections? Even just looking at it logically, it made more sense than them both keeping their own places. And, not so logically… well, Remus was pretty sure they were both in it for the long haul.

 

Remus gives his notice in to his landlord, and sorts through his stuff. Sirius throws out some of his shit to make room for Remus, and Remus gets rid of a few of his things, and then in a couple of journeys using James’ car, he’s moved in to Sirius’ place. Officially. James and Lily get a babysitter to look after Harry, and James and Lily and Peter come over to drink cheap wine and celebrate.

After the first toast (to moving in together), they raise their glasses for a second time and Sirius announces, “To finally getting my license back for my motorbike!”

Lily rolls her eyes, Peter grins, and James claps Sirius on the back. “Alright mate! Brilliant!” Remus looks on, smiling slightly, and catches Lily’s eye. Lily shakes her head, laughing. _Boys_ , she seems to say.

Well exactly.

 

 

 

Life goes on.

Remus can’t remember when he was this happy.

He gets his degree in classics, and takes an interview at the university in the city, a twenty-minute drive away. It goes well.

 

And, in retrospect, Remus realises that’s it. Everything just – it goes too well. He’s Remus Lupin. He’s ordinary. He reads too much, studies too much, sits on the fringe too much. This past year – these kinds of _brilliant_ things, _brilliant_ people – they don’t come into lives like Remus’.

 

It’s a Tuesday. Remus has been living with Sirius for seven months now. They’re having this big, stupid fight, and Remus can’t even remember what started it. He’s yelling, not even sure what he’s saying anymore, and Sirius’ eyes are dark.

Sirius takes a deep, even breath and says he’s going out, needs to clear his head.

Remus wants to stop him, but his pride stands in the way and he just tells Sirius to go, get out. We’ll talk about this later.

Sirius leaves and he doesn’t even slam the door. Remus hears the bike start outside, and then the noise is getting further away until both the noise and Sirius are gone.

Remus breathes in deep and sits down on the sofa, putting his head in his hands. He pulls the blanket from the end and crawls under it, tucking himself into a ball and turning the television on, volume low. He closes his eyes and lets the low, unintelligible noises wash over him, the lights flickering against his eyelids.

He doesn’t know how long he lies there but he falls asleep, and the next thing he knows is the phone is ringing. He picks up; head fuzzy from the fight, and from being asleep.

“Hello?” He says, voice scratchy.

An unfamiliar, female voice answers.  “Hello, yes, is this Mr Remus Lupin?”

“Yes? I’m sorry, who’s speaking?”

“I’m Linda. I’m phoning from the hospital. I’m sorry, I’m going to have to ask you to come in.”

“I – I don’t – uh. What?” Remus’ head feels jumbled up; confused.

“Sirius Black lists you as his emergency contact. He’s been in an accident. I’m going to have to ask you to come in.” She repeats. Her voice is so even, and Remus wants to scream at her. It doesn’t make sense. None of it makes sense.

She shouldn’t sound so calm.

“I.” Remus doesn’t finish that sentence. Instead, he simply says, “Okay.”

The woman, Linda, tells him where to go, and he just says, “Okay. Thank you.”

He puts the phone down.

“Okay.” He says, again.

To an empty room. “Okay.”

 

He doesn’t speed on the way to the hospital. He doesn’t think. He just repeats a litany in his head of _it’s okay, because they’ve got the wrong person. I’ll explain that they’ve got the wrong person, and then I’ll go home and Sirius will be back and I’ll say sorry and we’ll be okay. We’ll be okay._ His hands feel numb.

He pulls into the car park, and he walks calmly over to the emergency ward. There’s a blonde woman in green scrubs on reception that’s writing on a piece of paper.

“Excuse me, are you Linda?” Remus enquires, voice steady.

“Yes, yes, I am. Remus Lupin?” He nods, and something flickers in her eyes like sympathy.

“Right, well, the doctor will – “ Remus cuts in.

“I’m sorry, I just – I think you’ve got the wrong person. Wrong Sirius Black. Wrong Remus Lupin. Wrong number. It’s – it’s fine, you know. We’re fine.”

She swallows. “The doctor will be right with you.”

“You’ve made a mistake.”

“I’m really sorry, I don’t think there has been a mistake.” She picks up the phone, presses a couple of number and dials. “Hi, is this Dr. Baker? Hi, yes.” A pause. “Yes, he’s here.” Another pause. “Okay, I’ll send him down the corridor.”

She smiles at Remus. “If you’d just go down the corridor to your left, Dr. Baker will be waiting for you.”

Remus nods. It’s okay. He can just explain it to the doctor. There’s been a mistake.

He goes down the corridor, sees a man in his mid-thirties standing there, holding a clipboard. Remus frowns. He didn’t think doctors actually held clipboards.

The man looks up as Remus approaches. “Hi, Mr Lupin?”

Remus nods, opening his mouth to speak, but the doctor speaks first.

“If you would come with me, please.” Remus just nods and follows.

He doesn’t know why.

Except – _it’s not Sirius it’s not Sirius it’s not Sirius it’s fine we’re fine it’s fine_.

In retrospect, he doesn’t know why he was so sure there had been a mistake. Everything was so incredibly specific; there wasn’t room for confusion or mix-up.

The doctor stops outside a door, and they go into an office of sorts. The doctor asks Remus to take a seat. He does. The doctor sits opposite him.

“Mr Lupin, I’m very sorry to tell you this, but at 10:53 this evening, Sirius Black passed away. He was in an accident earlier this evening, and was still alive when we found him, though had suffered serious damage. We brought him in, and called you here, as you were listed as his emergency contact. But not long after you were called, Mr Black passed away. I’m very sorry to tell you this.”

Remus blinks at him.

_Passed away._ _Passed away._ Sirius has passed away. Sirius is dead. Sirius is gone. Sirius – “No.” Remus says, cutting into his thoughts, stopping them. “No.” He repeats. “You’ve made a mistake.” But even while he says the words, he knows there hasn’t been a mistake.

The doctor just shakes his head. He repeats, “I’m sorry.”

The words bounce in Remus’ head. _I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry Sirius Black has passed away I’m sorry I’m sorry had suffered serious damage I’m sorry I’m –_

Remus feels sick. “I – “ He starts, and swallows. He feels really sick.

“We will, of course, offer you all the support you need. There are people here who you can talk to, to help you. Is there any friend, family that you can call? It often helps to have the support of your loved ones in difficult times.” He sounds so clinical.

_James. James, and Lily, and baby Harry, and Peter._ He can’t tell them. He can’t tell them he can’t he – “I think I’m going to throw up.”

The doctor’s eyes widen a fraction and then he is handing Remus the metal bin that has been stood by the wall. Remus wonders whether it’s there for things like this, and then he’s retching into it, clutching the cold sides and breathing in the cold metallic smell in between tidal waves of nausea. And then there’s hardly anything to throw up, and he’s just dry heaving and there’s this inhuman sound and Remus realises it’s coming from _him_ , _he’s_ making that sound and he realises that he’s crying.

 

The doctor eventually tells Remus that he has to get back to work, but someone else slides into the seat, taking the doctor’s place. Remus is dimly aware of someone talking to him, but he doesn’t hear the words. He doesn’t understand.

 

Later, it is explained that the accident was not Sirius’ fault. He had been driving safely, abiding the speed laws ( _for the first fucking time_ ), and a drunk driver had hit him. The driver had been taken in for questioning, and there would be consequences.

Consequences. Like they were in fucking primary school.

What a load of shit.

 

Remus doesn’t really know what happens from there. He knows that he must have got home somehow. He knows that someone must have told James and Lily.

He knows, because there’s frantic knocking on the door, and Remus opens the door to find James, wild eyed and desperate, and he’s yelling but Remus doesn’t think that it’s at him. Remus leaves the door open and sits on the sofa, and is aware of James following him, still yelling. And then the yells turn to hoarse sobs, and they sit on the sofa together and watch the muted television play reruns of old cartoons.

 

When Remus sees Lily, she hugs him hard and doesn’t let him go for a long time. “How’re you holding up?” She asks him, voice stubbornly neutral.

“I’m not.” Remus replies. “How about you?”

“About the same.” She responds, voice cracking slightly while a smile that doesn’t reach her eyes tilts the corners of her lips.

 

Lily had apparently called Peter, who shows up with a shuttered, empty expression.

“Hey.” He says. And his voice sounds hollow like Remus’ chest.

 

The funeral is bullshit and it’s all bullshit and the flat is too big and too empty with Sirius in.

 

And Remus feels so cold, all the fucking time.

 

 

 

Epilogue

Remus moves. He’s offered the teaching job at the university in the city, but turns it down. He moves north, and it’s colder and it feels more bearable. He talks to Lily, James and Peter regularly. They try to visit each other. But they understand.

It’s too hard to be the four of them, when there should be five.

 

Harry grows up fast. If anything, Remus is sad to miss that so much.

 

Remus ends up at a different university, teaching classics like he’d intended to in a place very different from the one he’d planned.

 

He’s happy, as much as he can be.


End file.
